hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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