3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You pole danced in your parka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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