My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sex in a hospital.. check
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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