the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
