Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
