You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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