bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
