The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
