When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
