I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
