Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
