i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
