I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
