I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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