Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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