Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
