we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
