my phone needs a breathalizer
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
