she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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