Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
