Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
