yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
