i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
