it was like his penis was on wheels.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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