that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
