guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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