garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Randomize
