oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
