My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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