well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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