I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
