A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
