Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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