thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
