I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
