i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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