Sponge bath it is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
