okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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