He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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