I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
