hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
