Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
