if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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