Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
