It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize