Dual....:-)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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