I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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