I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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