My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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