"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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