Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
