i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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