We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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