Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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