I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What a dumb baby whore.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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