we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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