Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
