Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
