I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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