He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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