That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
