I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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