exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
