I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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