And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
