apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
