I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
