Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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