Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
