i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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