apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You ruined the universe
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
