this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize