I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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