Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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