i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
