the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
People in love make me want to vomit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
