1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just had sex on a roof
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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