so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
