wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she told me i tasted like america
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
