They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
NoShamevember. You game?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
