halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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