While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My bed smells like the plague
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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