I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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