I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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